This week
I was observing a parent child visit. The child was attempting to build a house
from Duplos. As the child continued working and struggling with the project the
parent (I believe they thought they were being supportive) continued a cheering
section with comments such as:
This should be easy.
Just set them on top of each other.
Come on, even you can build a simple house.
Build it like your brother.
I know even you can do this sweetie.
I had to intervene and ask her to
simply watch for the rest of the visit. When I had the chance later to speak
with her about her comments (without her child present) I was able to explain
how hurtful her comments were. At first she didn’t seem to get it. After I was
able to give a couple of examples that she could relate to she felt really bad.
We talked about the fact that she now realized that certain words really could
hurt; she would instantly be able to make a change for the better. Three days
later the same mom and child had another supervised visit. As much as it was
heartbreaking watching and listening to the first observation, it was
heartwarming to see the mom really paying attention to her words and to see the
reaction of the child. At first the child looked at the mom hesitant, but after
a few true compliments were given with a genuinely caring voice the child
responded to the parent with a smile and engaged her in play.
This
particular story reminded me that so many of us naturally repeat vocabulary and
actions that were our culture growing up.
It is important as teachers to not judge parents. It is our job to help
provide healthier more appropriate ways of communicating. Instead of telling
this mother that I thought she was an awful parent, I acknowledged that her
parents might have talked like that to her and they loved her, that there still
might be a gentler more appropriate way of talking with her child. We also
talked about as adults we need to decide which thoughts, beliefs and behaviors
that we are going to keep from our family upbringing and which we choose to
discard.
Jenn Pore`
Jenn,
ReplyDeleteYou impressed me! I still find it hard to redirect parents, you did it with tact, gentleness and professionalism. Thank you for sharing this with us. Sometimes I find myself ignoring parent behaviors because I am afraid of offending them. However, I know that early childhood is educating parents just as much if not more than children. The key is not making them defensive. You were very successful...awesome!
Now that's one cleaning that doesn't have to wait until spring time to tackle. Getting rid of all the harmful, degrading, confusing family comments is an excellent idea. Just as it takes generations to establish, it will take time to eliminate, however it's POSSIBLE and there's not time like the present to start!!!
ReplyDeleteYour example of microaggression is very intriguing especially when she started to compare the child to their brother. Many times parents do and say things that seem quite out of the ordinary. I am glad that you are able pick up on the harmful nature of the parent's words, and then being able to gently redirect the parent.
ReplyDelete