Microaggressions are very harmful !

            This week I was observing a parent child visit. The child was attempting to build a house from Duplos. As the child continued working and struggling with the project the parent (I believe they thought they were being supportive) continued a cheering section with comments such as:

This should be easy.

Just set them on top of each other.

Come on, even you can build a simple house.

Build it like your brother.

I know even you can do this sweetie.

            I had to intervene and ask her to simply watch for the rest of the visit. When I had the chance later to speak with her about her comments (without her child present) I was able to explain how hurtful her comments were. At first she didn’t seem to get it. After I was able to give a couple of examples that she could relate to she felt really bad. We talked about the fact that she now realized that certain words really could hurt; she would instantly be able to make a change for the better. Three days later the same mom and child had another supervised visit. As much as it was heartbreaking watching and listening to the first observation, it was heartwarming to see the mom really paying attention to her words and to see the reaction of the child. At first the child looked at the mom hesitant, but after a few true compliments were given with a genuinely caring voice the child responded to the parent with a smile and engaged her in play.

            This particular story reminded me that so many of us naturally repeat vocabulary and actions that were our culture growing up.  It is important as teachers to not judge parents. It is our job to help provide healthier more appropriate ways of communicating. Instead of telling this mother that I thought she was an awful parent, I acknowledged that her parents might have talked like that to her and they loved her, that there still might be a gentler more appropriate way of talking with her child. We also talked about as adults we need to decide which thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that we are going to keep from our family upbringing and which we choose to discard.

Jenn Pore`

Three Interviews

     This week I spoke with three of my friends and colleagues to get their definitions of culture and diversity. I was given an array of answers from listings of their genealogy to their language. All three people that I interviewed spoke English and identified themselves as American partly because of that fact.  I found it interesting that the women (2 of the 3) used descriptors of gender such as mom and daughter while the male did not, designate or identify his gender. A personal thought causes me to wonder if this has to do with most men or should I say that the dominate culture’s influence on males being so self assured that it doesn’t need to be stated?

     One of my colleagues described his self as American-Mexican. He explained that both of his parents are Mexican but all three boys were born in the US and were raised American. He says that they do enjoy traditional Mexican recipes but that is about the extent of their old heritage that they bring forward. He knows very little Spanish and does say that he regrets not having more of the language, but his parents came here for the opportunity to have a career, make money and they needed the family to speak English in order to fit in.

     None of the people that I interviewed brought up environment, values, health, community or education (directly). However, all three stated their career choice as part of their culture. I would say over all most of what was discussed was what we have learned as surface culture.

     One interviewee was honest about some biases (relating to personality types) that she struggles with when we were discussing diversity. The other two considered themselves to be pretty diverse thinkers and knowing them I would have to agree. They live the motto of working from on open mind. All three agreed that coming from a family of money or from a family that was poor was seen as being diverse. The example that I was given as two different cultures was a ranching family and a blue-collar family.

     Had we talked for a longer period of time we may have gotten deeper into the description and meaning of culture and diversity but as a fact gathering, what’s your first thoughts questioning, most of the answers as I have already mentioned were surface and not really deep. I feel that this exercise gave me a good insight into what the majority of parents might be coming from. As an early childhood educator it is important to remember the family when working with the children. We want to give the children opportunities to learn and practice open thinking and be diverse thinkers but we must be respectful and knowledgeable in the presentation of information.

Jenn Pore`

If I Had To Leave My Country

            This week we are being asked to assume that the infrastructure of our country has been completely devastated and that my immediate family and myself are being relocated to another country very different from my own. Each person is being allowed to take one change of clothing and three small personal items.

            I would already have the first item with me, as it is a long necklace with a pewter heart that I wear every day. Sealed within the heart are ashes of my Mom. The second item would be a photo that again, I always have with me. This photo was taken at a reunion a year before my Mom passed and is of my whole immediate family (I have photo shopped in a photo of my Grand Daughter that was born a year later). The third item would be my phone. As silly as that may sound my phone holds 4,000 photos of family and friends along with information and it gives me the ability to contact family. For this scenario I am assuming that I will be able to have service available to me in the new country that we are being sent to.

            I think my description of the items gives the reader a fairly good idea what these items means to me. If there is any doubt I can tell you that my Children, and Grand Children, Siblings (all immediate family) are the air that I breathe. I recently read a quote that goes something like “If I were asked to chose between breathing and my children, I would use my last breath to say I love you.” (Unknown).

            If I were told upon arrival that I could only keep one item it would be my Mom. I would be grateful that my family was with me and we could take more pictures. I am also taking the liberty to pretend that this new country would allow me the time to transfer information to one of my children’s phones, as I am certain that their phone would be the one item that they would keep. All of my old family photos would still be preserved. We would work together so that each of us had our most treasured item. That’s just how we roll.

             Many have described me, as an old soul and that I must have gypsy blood running through me. I am flattered by what I consider to be a compliment and I concur. I am a self-sufficient person with a touch of MacGyver in my old soul. As long as I have my family I am able to make a home. I have lived through some pretty tough circumstances, but everywhere I have lived has been a loving home. I have no doubt that my family would not only survive but we would find a way to flourish because we would be together and taking care of each other is what we do. My family culture is one of honor, trusting your intuition and doing the right thing. 

Jenn Pore`